D*Land Exile

[17:39] HexDoktor: anyway... has he no fantasies about yu/the chick? biker babes? schoolgrrls? teachers? secretary? dominatrix? smthing?

[17:40] Pyzeke: nope

[17:40] Pyzeke: he keeps mentioning my friends

[17:40] HexDoktor: i bet he does.

[17:40] Pyzeke: i think he'd like to halfway know the person and that they be likeable

[17:40] Pyzeke: and hot of course

[17:41] HexDoktor: push him further. if he cld see two chix making out, whjat wld they be wearing. and don't accept "nothing" as an answer

[17:41] Pyzeke: okay...

[17:42] HexDoktor: really probe him fr details... just be accepting of ANYTHING he says- anything- and then turn yr new weapons against him

[17:42] HexDoktor: get in depth scenarios out of him. buy a copy of PENTHOUSE and make him pick his favorite stories and photo spreads

[17:42] Pyzeke: okay.

[17:42] Pyzeke: hmm....

[17:42] Pyzeke: you're evil

[17:43] HexDoktor: yes, yes i am 8-)

[17:43] Pyzeke: i have a few of those already so

[17:43] HexDoktor: ok then

[17:43] Pyzeke: hmmm.....have you done this to anybody?

[17:44] HexDoktor: in general, just remember, guys are more visual..

[17:44] Pyzeke: believe me that i remember

[17:44] HexDoktor: also, hve yu tryed putting on a show fr him ?

[17:44] Pyzeke: uhh....?

[17:44] Pyzeke: what......kind......show?

[17:44] HexDoktor: striptease? masturbatioon? smthing? he likes to watch? do yu really need a partner...

[17:46] Pyzeke: i masturbate with him in the room but that's pretty useless....sometimes he watches me play with myself but if i want to come off I can't have him watching me, its a distraction and i need supreme concentration to bring myself off....i've been working on that so I come sooner and feel more comfortable doing it without being distracted by him.

[17:46] Pyzeke: I /don't/ strip tease

[17:46] HexDoktor: next time he's absorbed in his comp, put on smthing he likes, slowly take it all off, and then sit infront of him, on the keyboard + mastrbate til he ds smthing

[17:46] HexDoktor: yu do now.

[17:46] HexDoktor: he wants to see yu in that moment of concentration though. tht's the point.

[17:47] Pyzeke: hmm.....that's a little out there and it'll take me a while to get to that point but i'll give it a shot.

[17:48] HexDoktor: ohh, to hel w/ yr hang ups, just do it.... but tell him yu'll never do it again (if he clearly likes it) unless he "fucks yu like an animal"

[17:48] HexDoktor: put in "closer" by NIN on repeat if necessary

[17:49] Pyzeke: okay i'll see about getting that song

[17:49] Pyzeke: you're a fiend!

[17:49] HexDoktor: sounds to me like he's restraining himself as much out of fear of yr reaction as his own desire

[17:49] Pyzeke: who did this to /you/?

[17:49] HexDoktor: yeah i am... i wish i had less pple sayying that and more mastrbating on my keyboard ;)

[17:49] Pyzeke: LOL

[17:50] Pyzeke: awww....you know if i was there i'd do you in a hot second

[17:50] HexDoktor: noone :'( i just have a... healthy sexual appetite

[17:50] HexDoktor: thank'ee

'cept i'm not showing it to you.

yep, i decided it was too out there for you good folks. and perhaps there was too much sexually explicit dialogue. maybe i'm too sex-obsessed. after a while it must bore you guys, how often i mention it.

feel free to disagree with me of course. the little 'your thoughts' link is right there.

i would linger and speculate some more but unfortunately, traffic school beckons in the morning and my driving record is bad enough as it is.

today i talked with Wynd. if he had a website i'd link it here but no cigar. i learned a lot from Wynd today. in fact almost every conversation we have is fascinating. i would write about what we conversed about BUT I CAN'T FIND THE LOG FILE!!!

is anyone familiar with Trillian? if so please tell me the log file doesn't disappear after a session is over. that would just suck too much. dammit now i'm wishing we'd had the conversation on ICQ.

so there goes my whole entry on sex and magickal theory. blah. just blah. i could fill this whole page with 'blah's. poot.

ah well, tomorrow brings another thrilling day.

hey sweetie,

i just watched Lost Highway. not 'cause i wanted to (although i've always been curious about that movie---just not curious enough to watch it) but because my sister, Vanessa, keeps going on and on about it and how freaky it is and i'm like, "okay, fine--i should be doing JavaScript stuff but eh, what're two hours of my life?" so i watched it (she ditched me a quarter of the way through for bed) and its an hour later. i'm still feeling the after effects of being mind-fucked. what the hell is that movie about?

seriously---someone tell me what that movie was about.

so this movie just led my mind in circles. who the hell is that freaky dude in the makeup anyway? no, i'm not talking about Marilyn Manson. (actually, my sister told me this Robert Blake dude was convicted of killing his pregnant wife.)

oh yeah the other thing about this movie is---sex scenes and nudity galore. you would have liked that if nothing else. watching all these people fuck and these total porn clips made me think of you...fucking you, feeling your cock ride me...the way you tease my nipples, tickling and scratching the very tips so lightly. that always gets me hot.

-sighs-
so do you ever think of me at night? the way i think of you? i wish i could talk to you now, but i know you'd kill me for calling you at this hour. do you ever find yourself thinking of me anymore? i feel so intertwined with you in some ways, but mostly i feel so separate, the awareness that you're another being. totally other from me.

i remember Jerome and how i felt so wound up in him, so tangled up with him that when he acted otherwise---like i wasn't inherently part of him, like what i thought and wanted didn't matter at all and he had only himself to consider---that always hurt me. i don't know if this was good or bad, but it was. and i got a special satisfaction in disregarding his feelings in return. heh. it took forever to emotionally disentangle myself when it was over. eh, all is past, but what clarity hind-sight.

i feel like i can never have you. and that leaves me always wanting you, but so desperately unfulfilled. i don't know. you're so unavailable in some ways.

but there's one way i know i can have you---and i want you and i'll have you.

if only i didn't feel like i was talking into a void. like these words wouldn't just be swallowed up and silenced. like i'd make a ripple in the still waters or somethin'.

hmmm...what gray thoughts are spurred half past the witching hour.

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